The Marconi Experience Returns!!!

Spinner suggested we resurrect it... with him on-board .... so.... I did!! the first one being half of Bandana Blues last weekend at http://beardo1.libsyn.com/bandana-blues-with-1-2-a-marconi-exerience and future shows will happen about once a month. I need to do some math (YUK!!) to figure out if it will replace a Bandana Blues show or there is room for both.... stay tuned!!!

Well, since those mind-farts yesterday.... I felt better.... perhaps I'll continue. Actually caught my self whistling while out running errands.... whodathukit???

Okay here comes part one:
Let's get started, this is the beginning of my "opus". Free time is a relative term that's dictated by your actual age, which in my case, is 19 going on 61!

I've had time lately to reflect on my past life experiences with my new best friend, the voice in my head. Actually that statements wrong. That voice in my head seems to be my only friend lately, constantly talking to me in ways that I don't always appreciate. Uh-oh, here we go with stream of consciousness starting now. Most of these reflections seem to be predominantly negative. Events that had been negative, either by my inability to respond properly to life's situations or overthinking them and making mistakes.

This reflection has been brought on mainly by negative things happening in my life over the last few years, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my frame of mind isn't the best to reflect now. It's not as though I'm not depressed because I am. And depression is a very funny thing, and I don't mean funny ha ha. Permeates every thing you do every minute of the day. The burden of sharing this with people that are my friends is exactly that a burden. One can't be sure of their willingness to help you lift that load or of their actual ability to do so.

This short paragraph is for people who don't actually know me at all. This depression has been building for many years and just kept increasing from level to level to level with life. My life. It's been almost 4 years since the loss of a woman that was not only my wife, but my tether to sanity. More on that later, because the deterioration of my health is a daily pressing issue to boot. More on that later too.

I've always said that I wanted to treat people like I would want to be treated which basically means don't piss on my head I will not piss on yours. As I think back it looks like I was full of piss and spread it around indiscriminately. It seems this started as my life began heading into what direction I didn't expect. Failure at numerous endeavors helped avert my path and gave me tunnel vision. All I started seeing was escape from reality because my reality was very fucking unattractive. Spending years and years and years numbing myself with what ever was available became the norm.

Okay enough for now, more to come later. Check back for future missives for some laughs because this narrative won't always be this much of a bummer. Honest!!

overwhelmed.... again

So, The fourth Christmas without Suze....I'm surprised it's been the hardest. I can't help but feel like I've been letting people down with my lack of energy and my inability to care about doing things. I actually care but I can't motive myself to get things started. It's funny but once I start it's easy but getting started is incredibly hard. I just want to be relevant........and not a burden. The holidays will never be the same!!!!!!!!

Petition Time

Check it out ... we could actually change our country ....

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/sanity/

I Got The Blues.....

My outlook on life has been radically changed over these last few years. The loss of my beloved Susan on April Fools Day 2009 didn't start it ... but certainly poured gas on it and struck the match .... burning through all positive indicators of my future. Obliterating the hope of a radical change in politics that I'd hoped the congress would at least do its duty and support the new President.

Also, the loss of the physical ability to continue my job as a cook (chef is so imperial sounding) added to my ever growing list of negatives. Fighting (yes, not just applying) for help via a social security disability claim for damn near two years has left me even more depressed. A condition known as Fibromyalgia (PAIN!!!) was added to my Diabetes and Asthma. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome had been dogging me for many years and was unexplained until recently.

Stuck in the house for 98% of the time... I've have been watching much more TV than ever that caused addiction to political shows starting during the 2008 Presidential Campaign and continues today with the crazy tea bagger supported rethuglican "newbies" in the house of representatives and Governers.

I understand we had a two party system for over a hundred years but that has changed. Right wingers signing Grover Norquist's pledge should just tear it up and refute the "not one penny of tax increase" horse shit that has congress and the President in a phony debt ceiling battle because they are adding on a ton of shit to it when it normally is considered house cleaning. A one line paper that usually took a show of hands in Congress because it was needed to pay for programs that had already passed the congress and needed to be paid for. you know, a couple wars,bailing out wall street and the banks, unemployment, and a bunch of other things.

Now they want money from social security (that pays for itself and when it has a bonus it lends it to the government (pay THAT back) and Medicare, that has exploded due to shitty medical expense explosion that must be brought under control.

Congress is REALLY broken this time. Bills that we have piled up for 12 years suddenly need to be payed for by senior citizens, school children, teachers, firemen, policemen, etc., etc., etc.?

Do I need to move to another country? Do you? I got the blues....BIG TIME!!!

Gotta Revolution!!

This blog was about blues music.... right now it's about my personal blues. Well... yours too.. if you paying even minimal attention to what's happening in the USA ... you hafta be depressed. All the robber barons of our past have sardonic grins on their dead faces ... we are returning to their reality... the hard work done to undo all the terrible shit they inflicted on this country are being repealed!! If you have young children... get ready... they will be workin' in unsafe factory jobs soon. We are just pawns of the rich and their multinational interests.

Reaching retirement age? guess again. Paid social security your whole life? Tough shit!! Sick? Curl up and die! The only chance to reverse this trend is:
1. No more lobbyists
2 campaign finance reform
3 term limits
4 machete bearing crowds of pissed off Americans storming congress
5 tax billionaire people and their corporations (maybe that should be number 1)


My life sucks and doesn't look like it's gonna improve ... give me a machete!!!
Listen to the music at Bandana Blues and meditate .... it helps me ... for an hour or two.......

What do you think??